Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Review: "Love and Respect for a Lifetime" by Eggerichs

My latest Amazon Vine review book is "Love and Respect for a lifetime" by Dr Emerson Eggerichs. Here's the review I wrote:

"Love and Respect for a lifetime" is a typical gift book with quotes and verses about marriage and love, along with some nice anecdotes about love and respect. The content is not very deep and the entire 152 page book can be read in under 30 minutes because most pages have only a few words on them. The content is derived from a focus on Ephesians 5:33 where "The apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands." The first point is that men and women are different (he is blue and she is pink) but as they work together, they blend to form purple (which is referenced as a reflection of God's royalty). To illustrate this, the author mentions that women are relationship-oriented and seek involvement but men are achievement-oriented and seek independence. So the man and woman need to learn to understand the blue or pink language the spouse is speaking. The book then tries to explain how he can show love and how she can show respect. The next big point is standard advice about communication (you are responsible for your own feelings and your words; try to see things from the other person's perspective; ask for clarification before reacting; listen more than you speak; apologize; etc). The book closes with tips on communication (honesty, encouragement, forgiveness, thankfulness, and Scripture) and a reminder that marriage and all of life are about obeying Jesus and becoming more like Him.

And here are the "practical examples" of what it means for a man to show love to his wife, and for a wife to show respect to her husband.

A woman wants to feel loved:
Wants to feel love by receiving flowers

Wants to feel close by holding hands and hugging.

Wants to feel close by spending time alone together

Wants to feel close by him suggesting an unexpected romantic moment like a meal on the beach

Wants him to be understanding by just listening, not trying to solve

Wants to feel understood by him identifying her feelings

Wants to feel understood by not being interrupted while she talks about how she feels

Loyalty spells love to a wife

Feel his loyalty by him speaking highly of her in from of children and others

Feel his loyalty by him not looking lustfully at other women

Feel his loyalty by him calling to tell her his plans

Feel his loyalty by him keeping his commitments

Feel honored when he encourages or praises her

Feels honored when he is affectionate in public

Feels honored when he chooses family outings over “guy things”

Feels honored when he tells her he’s proud of her and all she does

A man wants to feel respected:

Wants to show love by fixing the sink.

Wants to be approached respectfully when she confronts an issue that upsets her

Wants to feel respected by wife never criticizing his work in any way

Wants to feel respected by her praising his commitment to provide for her

Wants to feel respected by her empathy when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work

Wants to feel respect by never putting down how much money he makes

Wants to feel close by doing activities together, shoulder to shoulder (common experiences, mutual interests)

Wants to be appreciated for his insight by thanking him for advice w/o acting insulted

Wants to be appreciated for his insight by being allowed to “fix things” and being applauded for his solutions

Wants to feel appreciation for his insight by being thanked for his perception and godly counsel

Wants to feel his friendship is valued by telling and showing him you like him (not just love him)

Wants to feel his friendship is valued by doing recreational activities together

Wants to feel his friendship is valued by talking while doing things shoulder to shoulder

This type of stuff always leaves me really confused. I just don't see how a man could love me if he didn't respect me. I value respect first, and then love. Because you just can't love me if you don't respect me. So...to me, if a man is supposed to love his wife as he loves himself, then he needs to show her respect in the way he wants to be respected and that will be interpreted by her as love. Man can't have closeness with wife without respecting her. Man can't have loyalty to wife without respecting her. And man can't honor wife without respecting her. So I just don't get the point of the book. These books make me feel like I'm supposed to focus on the gooeyness of "love" while the man focuses on being respected. I just don't get it.

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